How to Complain Effectively and Politely in English
Phrases, tips, and a few cultural insights
In one of my recent conversation classes, a student asked me "What's the difference between complaining, moaning, whinging, and whining?" It made me realize how many ways there are to express dissatisfaction in English. So today, I’m diving into the topic of how to talk about things when you're not too happy, whether it's poor service at a restaurant or just having to get out of bed on a rainy morning!
In this blog post, I’ll break down the differences between these verbs and give you some useful phrases and tips for complaining politely but effectively in English. I'll also share a few British cultural insights about how we handle complaints, so you can approach situations with more confidence.
Complaining, Moaning, Whinging, and Whining: What’s the Difference?
Complaining is a formal and structured way to express dissatisfaction, usually with the expectation that something will be done to resolve the issue. For example, if you’re unhappy with a meal in a restaurant, you might complain to the manager, expecting some form of compensation, such as a refund or a replacement dish.
Moaning, on the other hand, is more informal and tends to be about venting frustration without expecting any real solution. It’s the kind of grumbling you do when you’re unhappy with something, but you’re not necessarily looking for anyone to fix it. In Britain, we love to moan about the weather, work, and even our commutes—but we don’t always expect things to change.
Whinging or whining are often seen as a step up from moaning, with the added feature of being a little more annoying and persistent. Children, in particular, are known for whining when they don’t get their way: "I'm bored!" "I don't want to go to bed!" Adults can do it too, though—I'm sure we all know someone who whines about the smallest inconveniences!
British Culture and Complaining
In British culture, we’re often known for not being too direct when it comes to complaining. Instead of confronting the issue head-on, we soften our complaints with polite language and apologies. You might hear someone say, “I’m terribly sorry, but…” before expressing their complaint. This makes the interaction seem less confrontational.
However, despite our reputation for being reserved, we do love a good moan or whinge, especially about the weather!
Useful Phrases for Complaining in English
If you ever find yourself needing to complain in English, here are some key phrases to help you get started, whether you’re dealing with a minor issue or something more serious:
Polite Introduction: "Excuse me, I’m afraid I’m not very happy about…"
Expressing dissatisfaction: "I’m afraid I was rather disappointed by…"
Making a formal complaint: "I’d like to make an official complaint about…"
Requesting action: "Can you please look into this?" or "I’d appreciate it if you could help me resolve this issue."
Making a Complaint vs. Complaining
There’s an important distinction between complaining and making a complaint. Complaining is usually done spontaneously in the moment—like when you’re unhappy with the service in a restaurant, and you mention it to a member of staff. On the other hand, making a complaint is a more formal process, often done in writing or through official channels. When you make a complaint, it’s expected that the issue will be taken seriously and resolved in some way.
For example, I once made a formal complaint about a train journey where I was delayed for three hours, and the train was overcrowded and overpriced. To my surprise, I was successful in getting a full refund! This is an example of how making a formal complaint can sometimes get you the result you want.
How to Complain Effectively
If you need to make a complaint and actually want a resolution, here are some tips to help you express your dissatisfaction politely and effectively:
1. Start with a polite greeting: It’s always good to begin with a friendly tone, even if you’re frustrated. You could say, “Hello, I’m sorry to bother you, but…”
2. Use ‘I’ statements: Instead of blaming the other person, focus on how the situation affects you. For example, “I’m not very happy with the quality of service today,” sounds better than, “Your service is terrible.”
3. Be specific: If you’re looking for a solution, it helps to be as clear and specific as possible. For instance, “I reserved seats for the 2:30 pm train, but it was canceled, and I missed my flight.”
4. Avoid strong language: Stay calm and avoid exaggerating or using overly emotional language. Saying, “The service wasn’t very good” sounds more reasonable than, “The service was absolutely appalling.”
5. Offer solutions: It’s helpful to suggest how the problem could be resolved. For example, “I’d like a full refund, please,” or “I expect compensation for the inconvenience.”
6. Stay calm: Even if you’re feeling angry or frustrated, try to keep your emotions in check. You could say, “I appreciate your help in resolving this,” which keeps the conversation positive.
7. Express gratitude: Thanking someone for their time or attention can help move things in the right direction. Try, “Thank you for looking into this for me.”
8. Empathise: Acknowledge the other person’s position. For example, “I understand it’s a busy time, but…” shows that you’re being considerate while still making your point.
9. Escalate if needed: If you’re not getting the response you need, it’s okay to ask to speak to a manager or escalate the complaint. You could say, “Could I please speak to a manager to discuss this further?”
Complaining in English can be tricky, but by using polite phrases and following these tips, you can express your dissatisfaction in a way that’s likely to get results.
Thanks for reading, and see you next time!