How to Say No Politely in English
Have you ever said yes to something and then immediately regretted it? Perhaps you agreed to go to a party, but now you are absolutely dreading it. Or perhaps you ended up helping a colleague even though you are already up to your eyeballs in work and you really do not have the time.
If so, you are in very good company.
In British English, we are masters at avoiding the word no. We soften it. We delay it. We dance around it with layers of politeness. We apologise for it. And sometimes we are so indirect that people do not even realise we have said no.
But here is the thing. You can learn to say no politely, confidently, and without that familiar wave of guilt. And that is what I want to show you today.
Why saying no feels so difficult
Before we look at the language itself, it is worth thinking about why saying no can feel so uncomfortable. Many of my students tell me they worry about sounding rude, disappointing someone, or creating conflict. And for some people, especially here in Britain, there is a deep discomfort with anything that might create tension.
If you are a bit of a people pleaser, saying yes feels like the safest way to avoid guilt. The problem is that you end up overwhelmed, tired, and perhaps even a little resentful.
Saying no is not rude. It is simply setting a boundary. And in British English, you can absolutely do that kindly.
The four types of no in British English
There are four main types of no that you will hear in British English, and each one has its place. You can choose the one that suits your situation best.
The direct no
This is polite but firm. It is ideal when you want to be clear and professional and when you need to avoid confusion.
For example, you might say:
'No, I’m afraid I can’t.'
'I’m sorry, I not going to be able to do that.'
'Unfortunately, I’m not available.'
Even our direct nos tend to include a softener such as I’m afraid or I’m sorry. It is simply a British habit. These expressions work well in work situations, calendar clashes, or when you need to be very clear.
The softer no
This one is gentler and often used with friends, colleagues you like, or anyone you do not want to disappoint.
For example:
'Oh, I’d love to, but I’m afraid I can’t at the moment.'
'Thanks so much for asking, but unfortunately I’m not free.'
'I really appreciate the invitation, but I’m afraid I’ll have to say no today.'
These keep things warm but still give a clear answer.
The delayed no
This is perfect for those moments when you feel put on the spot and can feel yourself saying yes before you have even thought about it.
Try saying something like:
'Would you mind if I check my schedule and get back to you'
'I think I’ll need a bit of time to think about it. Can I let you know later?'
This creates breathing room. You can then come back with a calm, clear no when you are ready.
The very indirect British no
This one is not necessarily recommended, but you will hear it everywhere. It is polite, vague, and sometimes a little confusing. If you hear these phrases from a British person, there is a good chance they are saying no without actually saying it.
For example:
'It’s not ideal.'
'I’m not sure that is going to work.'
'Let me have a think.'
'I’ll see how I get on.'
'I’ll have to check my diary.'
'Let’s play it by ear.'
'I’ll get back to you.'
Often these expressions mean no or something very close to no. They soften the blow but sometimes at the cost of clarity.
Putting it into real life conversations
To make this more practical, here are a few ways you might use these phrases in actual situations.
Saying no to a colleague
Perhaps someone says, 'Would you mind helping me with this' but you are already overloaded.
You could reply:
'Oh, I’m terribly sorry, but I’m really busy. I’m not going to be able to help at the moment.'
Polite and firm.
Or imagine your boss says, 'I will need you to hop on a call at ten tonight. That’s not a problem, is it?' and it is very much a problem.
You might respond:
'I’m really sorry, but that is very short notice and I’m afraid I have commitments tonight. I hope you understand.'
Saying no to friends
Your friend might say, 'Do you fancy going out for dinner after work' You love them, and normally you would say yes, but you are completely exhausted.
You could say:
'Oh, I’d love to, but it’s been such a long week. I need an early night. Shall we try to find another time'
Honest, kind, and still showing that you want to see them.
Saying no to family and in laws
This one can feel especially tricky.
Imagine your mother in law invites you for Sunday lunch, but you went last week and you already have plans. You might say:
'Thanks so much for inviting us, but we’re really busy this weekend. Why don’t we arrange something for the beginning of next month Things will be calmer then and we’ll be able to relax and properly enjoy your company.'
Gentle, clear, and still kind.
The secret tools of British politeness
There are a few small expressions that help soften a no and make it sound warm rather than blunt. You will have heard several already.
Expressions like:
'I’m afraid'
'I’d love to, but'
'Unfortunately'
'To be honest'
A little sprinkle of these makes your no sound considerate. Just be careful not to go too far. You don’t need to apologise repeatedly, even if you hear British people doing exactly that.
Saying no can feel tricky, especially if you are used to saying yes to keep everyone happy. But using these phrases can help you set boundaries in a way that feels natural and comfortable.
Try practising a few of them. Notice the ones that feel right for you. The more you use them, the easier it becomes to say no politely and confidently.